3 Keys to Stop Self-sabotaging Your Success

We desire success but  despite all of our efforts, it sometimes escapes us. These are the moments that we spend an enormous amount of time attempting to figure out what went wrong. And the truth is that many times we are the reason things did not work. It has been said, the enemy is "the inner me". 

We are sabotaging our own success with what we believe, think, and do. Here are a few immediate steps you can take to stop the vicious cycle of self-sabotage.  

1.     Identify and change your beliefs. 

     What are the beliefs that are hindering your success? For example, if you believe that you're not smart enough, you will limit the risks that you take and will not stretch to become the best version of yourself. This alone will frustrate any attempts you make to be better and do better because you will constantly be fighting the automatic responses in your brain, that say “You are not smart enough.” Develop a positive mindset and avoid limiting beliefs.

 

2.     Avoid negative self-talk.

 

You spend too much time saying negative things to yourself. Eventually, you begin to believe them. Such negative input gives you an incorrect opinion of yourself and your capabilities. Ensure that your self-talk is supportive and positive. Use positive affirmations to counter any negative self-talk.

 

3.     Notice habits and activities that sabotage your success.

 

Think about what you want to be successful at and notice your habits that stand in your way. For example, if you’ve written in your planner a task that was to be done at the start of the day, but instead you check personal emails. The res, which leaves the task delayed or incomplete.  Make a list of those behaviors so that you can address and change them.

 

The good news is the success you desire is on the other side of these small, but huge changes. You have the ability, the will and power to accomplish any goal that you set. Tell yourself today, “I am a smart, creative, productive, successful and I finish everything I start.

Change Happens with Choice

For every change you desire, there’s a choice that needs to be made. As the title implies, change doesn't happen by chance it happens with choice.  We are the sum of all choices that we've made whether they were good choices or not so good.

Therefore, if it you take a look at where you are today, you can see a correlation between where you are and the choices that were made. For example, it you are working as an accountant, you chose to go to school, study and make sacrifices to obtain your degree.  Everyone can look back and see the impact of their choices on their current state and situation. This is true even if we say “it’s complicated”.  For instance, the woman who feels “if it were not for bad luck she wouldn’t have any,” can trace much of the bad luck to choices or decisions on her part.  Let’s say she was fired  from several of her last jobs. Was there additional training needed, that she did not obtain. Maybe, there were attitudes and behaviors that  needed to be shifted or changed and she did not. Either way, there were choices involved.

I cannot forget to mention that failing to make a choice is also choosing.  When you know that there is more and you should be doing more, and you fail to do it—that is choosing to be complacent. If you have dreams that you desire and you’re afraid to step out—you are choosing to put your best life on the shelf. 

We must keep before us our life’s plan: who we are, what we desire and where we are going. In doing so, our choices have to align with and complement that plan. An entrepreneur that chooses to plan, be disciplined, sacrifice and implement will  be successful. Whereas, the one who desires to be an entrepreneur and decides they can just “wing it” will be less likely to have success. They also will not be able to blame anyone else for their lack of accomplishment but can chalk it up to poor choices.

You have the power to change anything that does not fit into your master plan. Choose wisely.

Confidence is Critical

Whether building a business,  applying for a job, or interacting with friends, confidence is an essential factor in your success.  Confidence is believing in yourself or abilities. Your actions and behaviors are often influenced by your confidence level.  For example, if you believe that you are a good athlete, you will probably try a new sport without hesitation. However, if you feel that you are not a good student, you may shy away from anything that requires instruction and learning. Note in the examples, the positive confidence level moves one forward, whereas the low level causes the individual to back up. It becomes a cycle of either positive movement or withdrawal and stagnation. 

When you tell yourself you can or you can’t, you are right either way.  It is what you believe about yourself that makes you successful.  Do not feel that all is lost because you are not confident today. Confidence is a skill that can be developed. One method for developing confidence is using positive affirmations to retrain your self view and image. “I am” statements such as “I am confident” and “I am able to do great things” are excellent for transforming your confidence level. Tell yourself that you are able to do everything that you want to do and have to do to make your business or dream a success. #iambecauseisayiam

Create Something

Create Something.  There is nothing more exiting than the birth of a baby. The delivery room is the most unlikely place for intense joy. There are strangers, equipment, tears and pain but yet the appearance of a baby causes everything else in the room to fade to black, all that is seen is that precious birth that was created.  In the midst of the pain of bringing forth that promise, many moms vow to never do it again.  However, the pain is soon forgotten because of the joy of the birth.

What are you producing? It is the act of creating and bringing forth that gives life and energy.  The first blades of grass, the bud of the rose, and finished picture stir up feelings of hope and excitement. Imagine the designer of a new fragrance seeing the first bottle from the assembly line or the ribbon cutting at the architect’s new building, there is nothing sweeter.  You see the smiles, you hear the cheers, you smell the champagne and you taste the sweetness of success.

If you are feeling burned out and lethargic, it may be due to a lack of production and creativity. Even a body of water that is not flowing becomes stagnant and stinks.  Take a moment to stir up the gift of creativity. As you think of your dream, allow your mind to relax, and roam. Come up with different pathways, alternate answers and new endings. Now use the energy and excitement from the new place to fuel this next phase of the dream.

Manage Your Anger

Anger is one of the most powerful emotions that we experience.  The dictionary defines it as a strong feeling of displeasure aroused by a wrong or injustice. Although it is a normal emotion, there is always the potential that the response can be negative or unhealthy. Many physical and mental health disorders are related to prolonged anger. Therefore, failure to deal with anger in a positive and healthy manner can have major implications. 

Generally, when we mention anger management we are referring to preventing an outburst or the destruction that can be caused by rage. However, today we want to see it a little differently. Instead of simply controlling anger, why not be intentional with how you express it? I recommend using the anger to your benefit.

We have heard it said “send your enemy a thank you card”.  In the same manner, use the emotions to fuel your dream. For example, when you want to pay someone back for mistreating or wronging you, take that energy and pour it into your dream or your business. Ride off of that intense emotion to complete your marketing plan or acquire new investors. If you are angry enough, you can complete advanced degrees. Once you've reached your goal, let it go. Let success be the greatest resolution for your anger!

The Power of Journaling

Journaling is the practice of writing down thoughts, feelings, and experiences daily or on a regular basis. It allows you to put words to things that are not explainable, describe dreams and process incidents or things that have happened. The process of journaling allows you to review what you have written at a later point in time to review and gain an accurate perspective of the situation. For example, there are times when you may have journaled about a incident where you felt betrayed that your initial perspective is flawed because of the emotions of the moment. However, reviewing at a later time may give an accurate perspective, determine the cause of and alleviate some of the stress surrounding the incident. Journaling allows you to imagine, dream, plan and create what you see.

There have been a number of documented benefits associated with journaling.  For instance, journaling allows you to have better control of your emotions when dealing with stress, and anxiety.  It also helps you to see patterns of behaviors and triggers that can influence mood and actions.  Medical resesarch has found that stress has a direct negative impact on an individual’s physical health. Journaling about emotions and stressful events has been found to decrease the impact of the stressor and increase the immune system in several diseases. Journaling also provides documentation of personal growth, a record of wins and further opportunities for positive changes.

Note:

Journaling is not a substitute for mental health therapy but can certainly be used with formal therapy.  

Be a Finisher

We all have some things which are undone. Take a peak into a carpenter’s workshop, a cartoonist’s scribble pad or a seamstress’s work space, you’ll find many project’s waiting to be finished.  The projects represent many stages:  first draft, 10th try or changed mind. There may be some that will never be completed. The problem comes when the majority of things are left undone. Unfinished projects like any unfinished business can produce anxiety and stress.  Individuals may feel incompetent or frustrated because nothing is working.

The challenge today is to finish the project that causes you to wince at this article. There is the one item that produces a “Dang, I really need to do it”, that is the item, project, story, class, degree, certification, financing, business plan, etc. that you need to finish. Outline a method/timeline for completing the task. If it is finishing a book, set aside time daily to write and work on the launch. A desire to return to school, go online today, and determine what is needed and devise a plan. Do something daily towards completion of whatever the item is. 

There is a tremendous amount of satisfaction and feelings of accomplishment that comes with completing anything. Additionally, the completion of one item produces energy and momentum for completing the next thing. People always talk about negative spirals or cycles, why not start some positive and success cycles. Finishing the unfinished tasks is a great start to cycles of success.